Lately, I've been realizing that dreaming is pointless (crying out the problems we have is pointless as well).

Yeah, I think it's the your-30-are-getting-closer effect.

I've been noticing throughout the last years, that one of the most easy ways of being mistaken for a crazy subject, an obsessed person, is having a good memory.

As far as it's a great thing to remember what you and people around you have done over long periods of time, it's also a curse somehow. People tend to misinterpretate a memory of something that happened years, or over a decade ago, as nothing but the result of a obsession.

It's been a problem for me, for I have a very good memory (my oldest memory is my first day at preschool, when I was 2 years and 11 months old, and I have glimpses of me lying down in a fenced bed with some people around looking at me and smiling). I can see people reacting as if it was a terrible thing when I recall things they forget they did or spoke some 12 years ago, as if I had sickly cherished that moment, when it's in reality just a natural thing for me.

It goes as that suspicion most people have over other people's good intentions? I'm beginning to suspect so... it seems like many people really expect the worst, or imagine the most terrifying things from the others.

What a mess I've done to my life...

2007 - Pt 2

In 06/30, I've lost a friend of mine: his name was Amilton, Graduated engineer and retired clown, aged 27, whom we always called Mitoca. He had a heart stroke while riding his bike next to his house, couldn't have a chance, even if it was given.

For this one, I have my burden: I've been way too distant from him since Otto was born, and from a lot of other friends too, but he was the one who stayed close by me and gave me support when my last relationship ended, he was there while the others from the same circle treated me like I was going crazy. Anyways, he was more than a great friend, he was a walking stick in a hard time and I have failed him, forgetting to be a friend in my rush to be a father. And I miss him, because he was a wonderful person, not the kind of wonderful person that you notice after he/she is gone, but the one whose wonders you always saw and will always see.

Two months after that, a former acquaintance also died. Coming from a somewhat wealthy family, which expelled him after discovering that he smoked pot, in addition to the fact that he was skateboarding with some friends (as I said, people in this town can be way too "backwards" sometimes), after going from place to place, he ended up addicted to Crack and having to steal so he could keep using it. After a time he was becoming mad, and then it ended up when he died from a mix of famine and chronic general infection. We only knew we saw him on a news show, where a doctor was asking for his family to come to his assistance, since he wasn't able to speak and carried no papers to identify him.

Even later, my gone grandfather's best friend, who I kind of adopted as a substitute grandpa and viceversa, was gone too. He had gone through a long way, and it was kind of expected, and it's good that now he has a chance to rest. I carry no guilt, last time I saw him, I hugged him and asked for his blessing as I always did.

HIATUS EXPLAINED

First of all, I'm sorry for the lack of news, it's just been impossible to post lately, among a few other things.
What happened is that we have a supervisor at work now, some sort of manager, and now we are forbidden to use the net for other reasons than those directly related to our current work. And he even uses a spying software that records all of our actions, from the time we begin to work to the moment we turn our computers off.

Not a lot has happened lately, I've been through a lot of persecution from this manager of ours, just because he's evangelist and doesn't like my looks, specially my long hair and earrings (I know that it seems absurd, given that I work on a design/webdesign company, but that's just how living on my city feels like). I've heard subtle speculations, finger-pointing, and purposely provable peeping on my machine. But now it's over, I know that he's willing to take me with my pants off so he can fire me without having to pay what is rightfully mine, but I'm a serious worker and I won't give that little taste of 18th century style victory to him.

Anyways, my neighbour wants to share a net connection with me, and I'm just waiting to finish balancing my expenses to do that.

Luck for you all, see ya (I hope soon).